i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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