strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize