Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You've changed since you got that strap on
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