He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
