It's Friday. Sex?
too bad you live with your parents still
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
