I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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