i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
