Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
