Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
