Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
