I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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