Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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