I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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