as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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