Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dignity is for republicans.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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