Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
