I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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