True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
