READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
