ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
