careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
