Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
