I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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