I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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