Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
