And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
