I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
