Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
as a side note pls kill me
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
