She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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