Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
