woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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