I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
