He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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