My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
