I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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