we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
