I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
