the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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