I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
