I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
sex in a hospital.. check
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
