Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
