I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Come share oat with me in your robe
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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