You smell like stripper and shame
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
