I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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