I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
