So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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