it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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