It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
