uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Are we still banned from the library?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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