oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
